Before You Love Anyone
Suiamory comes first
Welcome, Freethinker — take a deep breath.
You cannot multiply love if you don’t have it to begin with.
Which is why almost no one I’ve ever met is actually polyamorous.
Most people don’t love themselves — not even close.
They just distract themselves from that fact.
They enter relationships trying to fill something that cannot be filled by another person.
They call it love, but it’s attachment… fear… emptiness.
And then they wonder why it doesn’t work — with one person or many.
I’m not speaking from theory.
I’m eternally grateful for Alisa. Had it not been for her bravery — her willingness to be fully herself and risk our relationship — I never would have built the relationship I now have with myself.
It’s unshakeable.
That’s real stability.
And without that, “polyamory” is just multiplying unresolved patterns across multiple people.
In 8 years of polyamory, I’ve had several flings, but only one girlfriend — and even that was a lie.
I knew she was needy.
I knew it was codependent.
I knew she confused love with attachment.
And I stayed anyway.
That’s what not loving yourself looks like.
So before you consider loving anyone — not just more than one — ask yourself:
Do I actually love myself?
Or am I asking someone else to do that for me?
If this lands, it’s because you know exactly why.
If this resonated, share the love with someone who could use it today.
Until next time, Freethinkers… stay present, be pleasant, and have an amazing day 🙏
Mike Messeroff
Founder of The Carpe Diem Company
Personal Freedom Coach and Creator of Self-Hospitality™
Author of Dogs Get It: Advice I learned from my best friend